


Face the Facts

by Iwantutobehapppier



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, avengers end game - Fandom
Genre: Angst, End Game, F/M, MCU follow, So much angst, bucky good friend, steve left and we're not okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26242591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwantutobehapppier/pseuds/Iwantutobehapppier
Summary: You could not foresee this thing happening to you.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43





	Face the Facts

**Author's Note:**

> This is emotionally charged 100%. I am sad (still FAB!) and listened to Paint It Black too much today. So here is my ANGST. I do miss you guys, and I miss writing smut for you, hoping to do so for you again soon.

Fingers drummed along the steel table reflecting the sun outside the coffee shop Sam had dragged you and Bucky to on this stupid bright and sunny afternoon. You could hear Sam talking but the words were muffled.

Your eyes focused on the line of the funeral procession making its way down the busy New York street. The black cars remind you of Tony, the burning in your stomach starting up. Before you can stop you think of him.

He’s gone, not like Tony but he might as well be. He’s dead to you. Died to be with someone other than you. It is a crushing weight to not be worthy. To not be wanted.

You hear the base in Bucky’s voice at your name. You blink a few times and turn to face them. Your boys. There used to be three, you grimace and Bucky mirrors. 

“Yeah?” The best you can get out. Sam’s warm hand covers yours stilling the drumming fingers. 

“You haven’t drunk any of your coffee,” Sam’s words come through but you feel yourself fade. The attention was never there anymore not since he- “I even had the cute barista make it special for you.” 

Your brows furrow. “Special? Did they roofie me?” Bucky chuckles into his cup. 

“No!” Sam’s indignant tone pulls the smallest tilt of lips. “AH, she smiles!” And it leaves. 

Bucky frowns at Sam swatting his hand away from yours to take its previous residence over yours. They fought like this often since Steve left, over your attention. If you should smile if you should wallow. This coffee outing is an agreed attempt between both to get you in some sunlight. 

It had been a month but to you, it felt like yesterday, it felt like everything fell apart just when you thought it was coming together. Maybe a little cracked but still together.

What could Steve be doing that was so much better than this? Was she really worth it? You knew the answer to that though, his actions gave a resounding yes. The sound of girly giggles pulled you from your thoughts. 

A group of chipper women on the crosswalk between the stalled procession. Their laughs carry over the sounds of exhaust, conversations at other tables, and your daunting thoughts. How you wanted to steal their joy, not for yourself, oh no. Just no joy. You knew how illogical it sounded, you knew if you said anything about it to Bucky or Sam they’d pull you into a group.

You didn’t want therapy, you wanted this pain, this was familiar. After all, most of life you spent unwanted, discarded, an afterthought, or at the very most a stand-in. Your hands ball up into fists. Bucky’s hand still over yours he catches the subject of your sight. 

“They got nothin’ on you, doll.” You catch that, looking his way the intensity of his eyes overwhelming, you look at your coffee pulling the lid off.

The Latte has a star with circles around it in foam, the circles turning squiggly lines as time has gone by since it was made. You choke on your breath, a heaviness growing in your chest. You’d never escape him.

Standing up you leave the two to enjoy their coffee without all your emotional outbursts. Shoving hands in your pockets you take a deep breath in holding the tears back. In the distance, you can hear Bucky and Sam arguing over the “special” coffee.

There’s nothing left but time now, never-ending time. Time he didn’t belong to, time you never thought you’d get. 

You pushed the Pym particles into the watch, ignoring all your surroundings. Narrowed focus as you stomped your way through the trees beyond the compound construction site. The protective helmet quickly slides over your head. You place one foot on the pad before you can lift your other foot up and you’re being jerked back by your elbow.

Crashing backward into a solid wall of flesh you turn around knowing exactly who it is. Your eyes pinch staring up at the former Winter Soldier. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Your growl between clenched teeth.

Buck grabs both your elbows, his eyes tracing along your face searching for answers. “The better question is what are you doing?”

“He can’t just leave like that.” You try to pull from his hold but it’s futile, you know this but you won’t stop. You can’t stop until you get to him. Until you see what life he made that was so much better without you. 

“Yes, he can,” Bucky’s firm tone and shake did nothing to calm your pain. The pain that had been sitting in the pit of your stomach for a while now. Festering and growing. Leaving everything else grey. 

“He can’t leave me like this.” He frowns at the desperation in your voice. If anyone understood your pain it would be him but even he knew he had to let go of Steve. Steve deserved his time to rest, his time to put down the mantle of Captain America. 

“But he did.” You freeze facing the ground, the pressure of tears collecting. That’s right he did, he left you here, to pick up the pieces of lives he wrecked. He left you to fix this all without him by your side for support. He left you. He. Left. You.

But you wouldn’t let that be the final word. Placing our hands on Bucky’s chest his gaze softens at your touch, hoping you were coming back to him. Only to feel you push him with air manipulation sending him sailing into a tree. 

He clamors to his feet as fast as possible, running towards you as you step onto the pad. “No!”

Bucky yelled your name out as your body dematerialized on the pad. The rush of the time tunnels dizzying in your emotional state. You fall to one knee when you land in 1951. You weren’t sure what time Steve stepped in but you knew from history where Peggy Carter lived in the United States as she ran SHIELD. 

You’d toured the house once when you were a naive SHIELD cadet. So sure that doing the right thing meant everything would get you what you wanted as well. Naive that the paths would never diverge.

Standing up you tap the watch, the nanotech causing your normal attire to materialize. With purposeful strides, you walk up the door and before you can knock Steve is opening the door with a stern look on his face that flatters at the sight of you.

Your name falls from his lips in a whisper, those lips that have worshipped every inch of your body. You can feel the adrenaline course through, without a second thought you punch him in the face.

“Son of a-” Steve stops while holding his nose, the pain radiating across his face then centralizing in his nasal passage. He was fairly certain the cartilage was snapped.

“You don’t get to leave without a real goodbye.” You holler, tears rolling from your eyes. “You don’t get to just leave me!” You shove him through the threshold. He stumbles at the act. Feet tripping over each other. You shove once more and his foot gets caught on the rug behind him coupled with his already compromised balance it takes him to the ground. 

You smile in sick satisfaction seeing him fall so easily. Taking steps over his body you stand above his chest. Looking him straight into his eyes you try your hardest to remain mad, hurt, and rejected. 

Yet, he looks at you with those beautiful blues, the specks of green so vibrant with the shock written all over his face. The words were written all over his face, blood pooling on his upper lip from your punch. That pathetic apologetic look you’d seen so many times. Like a stupid hurt puppy.

“Bet you thought you could just leave and we’d gladly pick up the pieces you left?” You place a foot on the center of his chest as he moves to get back up, pushing him down. You know you don’t have the physical strength he does but he still lays back down. That only infuriated you once more.

“Steven Grant Rogers, the man out of time.” Steve’s eyes narrow at you. “Still lost in time.” You taunt. You bend a knee, looming over him.

“I hope you’re happy.” Steve goes to speak but you slap the time watch, a sense of satisfaction fills you watching his lips turn down, that hurt expression the last thing you want from him. He should hurt too. His lips move to say something but you’re rushing through the time tunnels once more before he can get a word out.

Bucky paced back and forth in front of the pad, wringing his hands together. Steve could leave, he could and did accept Steve leaving. Made easier only by seeing Steve older, wiser, and at peace with his life. He couldn’t recall a time growing up Steve was ever at peace, so to see him like that a soothing balm for the pain of losing his pal. But you, you wouldn’t even look at Steve, you left. 

In the back of Bucky’s mind, he knew you’d take off too. He wasn’t entirely convinced he could handle that. The next thing he knows is an alert of someone on the Compound and a travel watch missing from FRIDAY. 

The last time he drove so recklessly was as the Winter Soldier, but his gut told him it was you. You were going to do something stupid. He just knew it since the last time he saw you. That faraway look, your inability to focus even on Sam’s idiotic jokes. He knew you’d do something stupid. 

Before Bucky could pull out his phone to call Sam the pad making noises. His eyebrows rose to watch you regenerate just where you had left.

You’re both silent as your helmet falls away. Do you tell him what you did? Do you tell him he looked good? He looked rested. That you punched him? Maybe not the last part.

“Where did you go?” Bucky knew the answer but he had to hear it. He was thankful you came back though, you didn’t leave him and the relief that swept through him for that was all-encompassing. 

“You know.” Looking up at the sky, embarrassment settled in looking at your previous actions but you were justified. He left, he had to know how he hurt you He left people here to just be in pain to hurt. But were you the only one hurting?

“Why aren’t you hurting?” Your voice barely above a whisper. Taking a step down the platform stairs. You falter on the next step, Bucky’s there in an instant. Holding you to his chest pulling you down the last step. 

His chin sits on top of your head, he has to hold you. He needs to know you’re here, that you came back. That you stayed. 

“I am hurting, doll.” He turns his face into your hair, taking a deep breath in. You embrace him in return, his barrel of a chest making it impossible for you to wrap your arms completely around him. “I hurt every day.” 

“Then act like it!” you go to pull from him but he won’t let go. The metal and flesh keep you locked in. 

“What’s the point?” His voice muffled in your hair. “Life will go on regardless. We can only control how we react to it.” 

“I don’t want to keep hurting.” your voice breaks, the looming pressure in your chest blooming. It feels like you’ll burst this time. The tears falling from your eyes faster than before, certainly soaking Bucky’s shirt. Your body shakes in his hold. 

“I know, I know.” He turns his head, his cheek pushing against the top of your head, gently rocking you back and forth. He wishes he could take it away, your hurt, and put it on top of his own. But this was yours, and he was going to see you through it. Because you stayed.


End file.
